So this is how it feels.

failure comes to mind.
opportunity awaits.
there is something better.
just another life experience.
I feel small. invisible. mute.
what can you do?
keep moving forward.
praying.
optimism?
doubt.
relief.
where do I go from here?
am I going uphill?
freedom.
choices.
life.

How Will I Know -- Whitney Houston

There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of 
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above 
Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough 
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love 

Chorus: 
How will I know (Don't trust your feelings) 
How will I know 
How will I know (Love can be deceiving) 
How will I know 
How will I know if he really loves me 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/w/whitney+houston/how+will+i+know_20146431.html ] 
I say a prayer with every heart beat 
I fall in love whenever we meet 
I'm asking you what you know about these things 
How will I know if he's thinking of me 
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak) 
Falling in love is all bitter sweet 
This love is strong why do I feel weak 

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking, wish I had you near me now 
Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love 

Chorus 

If he loves me, if he loves me not (X3) 

Sup?

Well it has been a while. I can say that since my last post my life has improved. I am now happily unemployed trying to find a job and it seems to be an endless search. I'm frustrated and a little discouraged but its not stopping me from searching. I feel that if any number of jobs gave me a chance they would be happy with the work I do. unfortunately most places are looking for someone with more experience and that I do have just not enough. If someone doesn't hire me though, how am I supposed to get experience. I did go back to school but that hasn't seemed to help me much. In the meantime I am hanging around home cleaning and cooking when I feel like it and hanging out with my niece and my nephew. Maybe this is just a blessing in disguise. I am being optimistic and thanks to my parents I still have a roof over my head and food to eat so I am very thankful for that. I'm waiting for the ball to start rolling... I'm ready to move ahead in life, but right now I'm slightly stuck. we shall see where this leads me. right now my hope is here, my prayer is being heard and I'm not worrying about tomorrow. Adios amigos!

Misdirection

I need direction... I don't where I'm going in life and everything seems to be falling apart. I don't know where to go from here. I keep praying hoping that I'll get an answer from the man upstairs but I haven't felt his presence in my life much lately. I'm really trying to just live each day as it comes. It's getting harder and harder to do. If there was no such thing as money then there would be no need for jobs. would we be happier? would we be as greedy? would it be this difficult to make life desicions? we'll never know. I'm trying to be positive about everything but its hard when there are people around you who make it impossible to be joyful or pleasant. those people just have to bring down everyone with them and it doesn't help the situation at all. it makes things worse for everyone. get over your big personality and huge issues because at the moment you are stuck with them so do the best you can with what you have. don't take it out on everyone else around. suck it up and stop being the rock that drags everone to the depths of the ocean. I can't take some of this crap anymore. I'm tired of it and it needs to stop. i'm only one person and not eveything in the world can be honky dory or revolve around certain people. unless you are the earth's axis then you are not the center of it!!! I continue to pray but sometimes there is not much hope. I hang on to what little hope is left and that's the best I can do. Au revoir...

An Ode to Those With Broken Hearts

"Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.
And you're not going to be in it." Iris (Kate Winslet)-- 'The Holiday'

Royal Wedding Bliss

so if anyone actually reads this blog I'm sure some of you got up super early this morning for the royal wedding. sleep is very important to me especially if I'm working early in the morning. therefore, I slept during the live version of the wedding. i just watched a recap and I'm pretty sure it was the same as the first time around. just saying... but it was a beautiful wedding and I can't imagine one that could be more of a fairytale beginning. it is definitely the event of the century. Prince Harry would be next on the list to be wed... he is fine. There is something about the red hair... if you marry someone with red hair you might end up with red head little children. it would be the cutest thing ever! so that is my short but sweet rant about the wedding... I thought I'd be different than everybody and write about it on my blog instead of facebook :) Toodaloo!!

36 hours in a day??

why is it when I do something wrong it is the worst thing that could ever happen but when I do something right its not even acknowledged. maybe i'm just to fragile and touchy in this hormonal chunk of the month. on another note I made a smore over a fire... that is greatness right there :) nothing can compare to the taste of a fire roasted marshmallow and melted chocolate dripping all over your face just waiting to be licked off and loved... that is the best! I also have to make a cake for thursday bc I promised my girl Jill that I would. rainbow cake with chocolate icing. I cant wait to make it and lick my fingers. theres a lot of licking going on in this post. I love that now I work morning shifts every so often I have time to write on this online journal. blogging has to be one of my favorite things. if I had a list of favourite things this would be on it... maybe I should create a list and post it on here. that could take a while so dont expect anything soon. I wish there was such a thing as extending days... make them longer so we had more time. Like making them 36 hours instead of 24. that would be interesting. then I think everyone would be able to have 8 hours of sleep and they'd still have 28 hours to kill while they are awake. I'm rambling on about pretty much nothing but thats just what I do... theres no changing it. another thing that would be really great would be if there were more activities to do in the lower mainland. we are always at a loss as what to do with our time... we made a list but it is not the most helpful. langley is boring... and the surrounding towns arent the greatest either. some people have the ability to come up with some crazy activities that I would never think of. those people are the ones that can make anything fun and think outside the box. I dont really think outside the box but I do try my darnest. I had a dream the other night about falling in love with a prince and woke up thinking,"Where is he?" I havent found him yet but I'm sure he is out there somewhere I just hope not too far. anywho thats all... TOODLES to all you ladies and gents!