"How can I be a father when I'm moving in the other direction?"

"You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You can swear and curse the fates; but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."--Benjamin Button
you do have to let go... how r u supposed to move on when u hold on to something that has ran its course? you can't dwell on one thing forever... you're wasting time and effort and mind power. whats the use in holding onto the past when the future is here and now and we move forward not backward. i don't understand how it works. all i know is friendship is something that shouldn't be broken and shouldn't be able to be broken. one minute everything was fine and the next it all came crashing down to a halt. where does it go from there?

Walking by with a friendly smile turns out to be more difficult than I realized.

so i'm still waiting on an email... someone has yet to reply. i even sent a second one, it seems a little desperate but i crave emails. i also really love real mail when its not a bill ect... well and i have this scared feeling and i can't really explain it... not on here at least. i just have a lot of things on my mind that won't go away and i'd like get past them. well i know i don't have a lot to say considering i haven't been on here in three days but not much else has happened. anywho have an awesome weekend... tootles!

Greatness...

well today is full of quizzes ect... ect... and i haven't really studied all that much b/c i went to the Great Escape last night. it was sweet!! i played lazer tag for the first time ever! anywho just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JANNA AND THEORON!! its exciting having a birthday... anywho i'm off. Chow!

Just a bit of typing... that's all it takes.

well i'm annoyed at people who don't email back and you know they've been on the internet b/c you've seen their status change on FB. it bugs the heck out of me... why can't people just email back or ma/b they just never got the email in the first place. i just hate it tho b/c i almost always reply right away and if not right away the next day. i wish i could just get emails back b/c i don't like getting spam and stuff... it doesn't make me feel needed. getting an email from a friend or someone i really care about makes me feel needed. bah! i know my blog seems to always be about me but this is my blog and i can write pretty much w/e i want right?? anywho thats my morning frustration! Adios Amigos!

Echo-o-o-o-o...

everyone leaves... they come back for a little while then they leave again :( it is very upsetting. all the grade 10's r in Capernwray right now... so not fair. those people who were on the band trip not too long ago may have some troubles keeping up but whatever. our school has just been very empty lately and i don't like it. i'm also concerned about a a couple people who have not been doing well lately. hopefully they're ok. its really worrying me tho. anywho i can't wait till people come back the school is so quiet w/o them :(

Waffles!

well its early morning... it smells like waffles!! it's defs a good smell and i appreciate it. appreciating the small things in life is what keeps me in good spirits. all i have to do is look back at all the good times i've had and appreciate them while i remember them. it has been such a long long road getting to this point and trying to comprehend what other people r thinking or what is going on in their lives. sometimes its just hard to guess anymore when you don't know them like u once did. losing friends is the hardest part... i hate the feeling of them gone b/c they left a hole w/ nothing to fill it. not trying to make them feel guilty or anything. i don't even think one of them really realizes what they have done to offend me. that person is oblivious to the real world... so superficial. anyways this is my morning rant... don't worry i'm doing fine i just like to blog my minds thoughts. this is my online journal! see some of you soon!! Tootaloo!

People, Places, Things

everything is a reminder
it's always there
even a hint
no matter where you go
the reminders are there
you try so hard to forget
which makes the reminders
so hard to avoid
almost like a reoccuring dream
the film keeps rolling in your mind
theres no escape
theres no where to hide

Twas a long day...

today has been an okay day... school was boring. after that i went to MTF w/ my maja and then we went home. at 5pm i went down for a nap which was needed majorly. i was woken up at 8:30pm so i could eat some dinner. i had a wonderfully juicy hamburger. Kris won American Idol thank God. really i don't see Adam going far in the singing business unless he finds a good band to back him up... what can i say he blended in pretty well w/ Kiss. anywho my whole body is aching from the waterslides but it was so worth it! love you all... good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

I'm going to let it slide...

so we had major fun!! we went to cultus lake waterslides... for FREE!! and we got free food as well.... it was simply amazing!! i had tons of fun... it was a first for me being at the waterslides. i thoroughly enjoyed myself and i'm very sore and my shoulders r red as i discovered when i was getting ready for my shower. i also have more freckles on my nose and cheeks according to my sis. it was a successful skip day i must say. Mrs. Shelvey let her math class on the roof when we did our victory laps around the parking lot. Twas a sweet and satisfying day! Tootaloo!!

Lou lou skip to my lou...

well i hope y'all have fun in school today b/c... its grad skip day!!! oh the wonders... thank God that the weather is relatively sunny. we're off to the beach... not to brag or anything. i hope you guys enjoy your day w/o the grade 12's!! you're already at school so you'll get this after u realize that we're gone. love you all!! have fun!!

Craving!

chocolate time!! in need of major chocolate... i've got my whoppers here and nothing to hide. just me and my chocolate watching a movie :D

What a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...

THEY'RE COMING HOME TODAY!!!

IT'S MY SISTERS B-DAY TODAY!!!

Each Step

facing tomorrow
putting on a smile
living as usual
missing the big picture
following in the dark
loving life
but dreading every minute
one step at a time
we learn to cope
there is a purpose
wait for it
find comfort in the unknown
stop worrying about the future
it will come
one day at a time

Gone

its been a long road
travelling on like theres nothing wrong
denying the inevitable
my heart keeps beating
my mind knows better
driven by emotions
through the endless drought
no end in sight
just a vast expanse of nothing
its been a long road
travelling on like theres nothing wrong

Breath -- Yode-Hey-Vah-Hey

its time to let go
time to let everything take its course
its time to live and laugh and love again
time to be yourself
time to follow your heart and dreams
its time to revel in your thoughts
time to walk with Him
its time to be a child
time to follow in His love
time to live your life
its time to realize what you have
time to give your all
its time for you to fall

What???

well its almost friday!!!!!!!!! so exciting... i love fridays. altho there is no chapel tomorrow but thats all i know. there was a big long announcement last block today and i couldn't understand any of it besides there is no chapel. thats kind of a bumber... chapel is when i get to slee-- i mean listen to the amazing speakers that come to our school. oh well i'll still enjoy my wonderful friday as it is just one more day till the long weekend. happy sleeping!!

This week = pretty boring + randomness

i'm really missing the choir/band people... its too quiet w/o them. i'm really tired too... this weekend is a long awaited weekend in which there will be lots of sleep. this week actually hasn't been too bad but it is a little agonizing doing pointless boring work. anyways i miss them lots and i wish they were here. i've been documenting things that have been happening this week w/o them... its pretty funny if you get some of the inside jokes ect... anyways it shall be fun to read over and see how bored we actually were this entire week. Austo Lowego (see you later!)

BAM!!

LOST! so intense... i'm pretty sure i know whats going to happen tho i just have to wait like another 9 months ma/b... it always seems to start in february. or ma/b 5 months and it'll start in october... i can't wait. its going to be agonizing! good night y'all!

Do not aggravate the sleeping lion!

well i asked my mom if i could have a mental health day today... she said she'd think about it and then when i asked later she said no. i set myself up for disappointment. i wish i could've b/c i have slept in, in like two weeks and i need that time to sleep in... thats what keeps me functioning and what keeps me from falling asleep in class. at least Mr. Moes was too enthraled w/ what he was doing to even notice. anywho i'm really looking forward to this looooonnnngggggg weekend. it'll be nice to sleep half the days away again. so i'm awake (only slightly) and i'm all ready to go to school which is going to be pretty pointless. tootaloo!!

BINGO!!

we played bingo at the renaissance old folks home. it was lots of fun!! i sat by Mary and she was very proud that i voted in the election. i definitely wore my sticker just to show off a bit... it was pretty awesome. well the last round of bingo we were going for the blackout... and for once i won!! although there were no prizes or anything but i loved the satisfaction of winning b/c the people around me had more than one bingo card and i only had one. i beat them w/ my one bingo card. it was a sweet victory. anywho i'm tired... time for beddy-bye. cyber hugs go out to everyone!!

The week they left...

i fell asleep in history class today... yes i must say it was the very first time i have actually genuinely fell asleep in class. we were only watching a movie so it was not a huge deal and there were only 7 of us there. oh and i got beat up today... not in the literal sense but it was supposed to look real... Mrs. Jarvis had way too much fun bruising me. anywho not much else to say... have a wonderful good evening!

Children, time to get up! I don't want to call you again.

well i have many frustrations and i just want to scream as if letting them all go. i need a mental health day.

Get 'er done!

school is a joke... there is no one there and nothing important to do. we should all just have the week off. technically i could've skipped this whole week b/c i was on mr. A's absent list for the trip. if i'd known that then i would've skipped. oh well... it was a tiring day i must say. doing nothing really wears you out. i hope we don't do anything important in history tomorrow... theres only like 4 of us so its kind of pointless to move on. this whole week is going to be a big joke. i can't wait for it to be over. anywho tis my story for the day... not very exciting i know. toodles!!

Fortunately I don't know what a bimetallist is...

so this weekend was completely full for me. it was awesome tho... i thoroughly enjoyed this weekend... it seemed to last a long time. i can't wait for next weekend!! i love long weekends they make me super happy!! i'll get to sleep in a lot which i didn't get to do much of this weekend. i had fun at the spring festival on saturday. i was at the jewellery table w/ courtney and maddi. every time someone came to the table they asked if we made the jewellery. it was kind of annoying. this one unfortunate boy bought his mom a rather hideous necklace for mothers day. i think boys should stick to buying flowers for their moms b/c they don't know quite how to pick out jewellery. anywho i'm off for now. love you all and i miss the ones in toronto (*Anna*). Aloha everyone!

There was Emily eating her breakfast, like she's done for 17 years and she's going out of my house.

today has been a successful mothers day... i just wish i was a little more awake. i stayed up to about 1:30am last night. i was up till 12am w/ my mom so that was good mother/daughter time... we just watched a movie but it was good. i would have pictures of mothers day but oh wait i don't have a working camera:P oh well... i can't wait to get my new camera... its going to be awesome. anywho everyone who reads this tell the moms in your household Happy Mothers Day from me!! love you all and i hope you guys had an amazing day!

Bonfire Extravaganza!!

well the grad bonfire was a complete success! i enjoyed myself and i'm glad that i went. the food was exceptionally good too. note to all grad classes bonfires are freakin awesome!! do it!!

Perhaps Mrs. Webb isn't used to callers at 7 in the morning.

it seems that i've been staying up too late lately. i've been reading every night b/4 i go to bed so i stay up late. its not really a good thing since i'm always bagged in the mornings now but its a good thing in that i'm reading. today i have the biology test first thing in the morning... hopefully i do well. i made a review last night so hopefully thats all the information that i needed. i can't wait till i actually wake up this morning tho. i wish i was a morning person but i'm really not. i could say i am but i'd be lying. i don't want to lie. ok now i'm so tired i'm blabbing on about nothing important in particular. anywho thats my morning rant... have a good day all!!

I was ashamed! Such a conversation between the two of them!

well i've got to say i'm disappointed. my boss at Krause has not emailed me back yet since i emailed her saying i needed full time hours otherwise i was going to get another job. i gave my resume to the Co-op about a month ago when they had openings. i keep going there to follow up to see if anything is available but only an accountant and a pharmacist position are available. i'm just getting very frustrated since i can't get the hours i need or get another job. its really disappointing. anywho i got to go finish my Biology bonus work and study for the test. Austo lowego ( i think thats Spanish for see you later... i can't spell words in Spanish as you can see).

Boring people with my predictions...

ok i had another revelation last night... this is my other prediction of LOST. when the hydrogen bomb gets detinated everyone is going to die but the people who r from the future will flash back to the present (which is 2007 in the show). i think its a pretty good prediction i must say. anyways... well i had dinner over at Travis and Rosie's last night b/c i was the only one at my house. we had tacos and they were amazing i must say. i got to spend time w/ Spence and my little peanut (Chloe). it was good. anywho i think i've bored everyone w/ my talk of LOST and again i'm sorry if you don't watch it. its my fav show of all times so i can't not talk about it. ok enough blogging for this morning. off to school i go:P

The Finale!

well LOST is just one of the craziest shows ever! i love it tho... it makes me so happy but at the same time so frustrated when it stops w/ a cliff hanger at the end of each episode. i think they are all going to die in some way shape or form... how else can u end it off? but the season finale is next week and it looks pretty intense. all the people are crazy too... w/ everything they've gone through they'll believe just about anything. richard is the constant... he never changes whatsoever. he either is part of the island, he is jacob or he is travelling through time all the time. i dunno its complete craziness. for those of you who don't watch i'm sorry b/c you won't understand any of this. anywho i'm excited for the finale!! but sad at the same time b/c it'll be over. anywho i'm writing too many blogs in a day but i'm trying to make up for the week that i lost. time to hit the hay... good night all!! sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!!

With great power comes great responsibility.

so i had a pretty decent day today... it was long and i had to endure most of it but all in all it was good. i've decided i'm going to print a picture of myself and stick it on a stick and send it with tanya on the choir/band trip. they will be able to take pictures w/ it and it will be like i was really there... jk (it won't be the same when the cardboard cut out can't speak). i think it will be great fun next week w/ half the school gone. i'm so excited... i think i might take a mental health day since there won't be too much to do during the week. we'll see how it goes. oh its my parents 31st anniversary today so they're going out for dinner! so cute. and my dad already brought her flowers at work! its also my dogs b-day... he is 7 years old. so many good things! anywho time for me to get off the computer... i don't know how i survived w/o it. au revoir mes amis!!

Where did you come from? You don't belong to me!

HALLELUJAH! T-plans r done, over with, finito... absolutely 100% finished. so freakin exciting... now its off my shoulders once and for all. i think i may have done my monologue better tonight then i did for the actual performances. everything worked perfectly and i'm glad i had plan B b/c plan A did not want to work. thanks mom for plan B. i'm so relieved and relaxed right now and i thoroughly enjoyed my shower. next week i hope to take a mental health day b/c the band/choir people r gone so there won't be much to do. too bad i'm in choir but i'm not going to its all good... i know i'll miss a lot but i know we're going to have tonnes of fun here as well. well its a good night and i think i may straighten my hair... quite possibly... don't know for sure. well everyones sleeping in Grovers Corners. you get a good rest too now. Goonight!

There they come...

so really nervous about tonight but i think i'll do ok... i'm excited too... but more nervous. i think i may be twitching a lot or just moving a lot... i can't really sit still at this point. i'm really hoping i get a good mark on this... i need to get changed out of my regular clothes and into something i bit more fancy. i've seen a part of Maddi's already and its really good... probably better than mine but oh well. i can't wait to see Thomas' fifteen year plan... i've never planned that far ahead b/4.... i like to take life one day at a time. oh and i get Mrs. Jarvis as one of my markers tonight!! i thought that was a big score on my part. i also have Mr. DeGroot... he's pretty cool. i had to spend a whole week w/ him in toronto so he better give me a good mark. haha jk. i'm making really lame jokes b/c i'm so freakin nervous. hopefully all goes well and goes as planned. anywho i need to get ready! tootaloo!!

Oh! Good morning George. Goodness! You frightened me!

its a new morning and i'm feeling kind of crappy still... i had a nap yesterday which helped a bit but it was only for like an hour. i'm really kind of nervous and frustrated b/c T-plans r tonight... hopefully i do well. i just need to speak up. i think i'm going to do my monologue from the play at the very beginning to set the tone for the whole thing and to take up some time. i can't wait to get it done and over w/... it will be a great accomplishment. Good morning all!!

I'm back!!

i finally have my internet back!! so exciting!! i've been wanting to blog and i haven't been able to... such a sad story. well i had one of the most amazing weekends i've had in a long time. friday was just an amazing day all around b/c i was just in such a good chipper mood. i babysat on friday... Spencer was an angel... chloe on the other hand wouldn't shut up. i love her but at that point in time i wasn't too happy w/ her. it all worked out tho. saturday chels and i went down to the states to shop!! i found earrings for grad that were normally $55 but i got them for $11!!! i know its insane!! then i spent about $33 dollars at bath and body works but it was so worth it... they had sales that i just could not pass up. we got chocolate milk from Edaileen dairy... so good!! then i had the amazing cast party saturday night!! moustache mania!! it was awesome... i quite enjoyed myself. Sunday i was the only one from my family that went to church b/c mom and dad went camping this past weekend. i finished filming for my drama project! today was the downfall after a great weekend... what goes up must come down. so today sucked but i look back on this weekend and it makes me happy! cheerio!