Misdirection

I need direction... I don't where I'm going in life and everything seems to be falling apart. I don't know where to go from here. I keep praying hoping that I'll get an answer from the man upstairs but I haven't felt his presence in my life much lately. I'm really trying to just live each day as it comes. It's getting harder and harder to do. If there was no such thing as money then there would be no need for jobs. would we be happier? would we be as greedy? would it be this difficult to make life desicions? we'll never know. I'm trying to be positive about everything but its hard when there are people around you who make it impossible to be joyful or pleasant. those people just have to bring down everyone with them and it doesn't help the situation at all. it makes things worse for everyone. get over your big personality and huge issues because at the moment you are stuck with them so do the best you can with what you have. don't take it out on everyone else around. suck it up and stop being the rock that drags everone to the depths of the ocean. I can't take some of this crap anymore. I'm tired of it and it needs to stop. i'm only one person and not eveything in the world can be honky dory or revolve around certain people. unless you are the earth's axis then you are not the center of it!!! I continue to pray but sometimes there is not much hope. I hang on to what little hope is left and that's the best I can do. Au revoir...

An Ode to Those With Broken Hearts

"Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.
And you're not going to be in it." Iris (Kate Winslet)-- 'The Holiday'

Royal Wedding Bliss

so if anyone actually reads this blog I'm sure some of you got up super early this morning for the royal wedding. sleep is very important to me especially if I'm working early in the morning. therefore, I slept during the live version of the wedding. i just watched a recap and I'm pretty sure it was the same as the first time around. just saying... but it was a beautiful wedding and I can't imagine one that could be more of a fairytale beginning. it is definitely the event of the century. Prince Harry would be next on the list to be wed... he is fine. There is something about the red hair... if you marry someone with red hair you might end up with red head little children. it would be the cutest thing ever! so that is my short but sweet rant about the wedding... I thought I'd be different than everybody and write about it on my blog instead of facebook :) Toodaloo!!

36 hours in a day??

why is it when I do something wrong it is the worst thing that could ever happen but when I do something right its not even acknowledged. maybe i'm just to fragile and touchy in this hormonal chunk of the month. on another note I made a smore over a fire... that is greatness right there :) nothing can compare to the taste of a fire roasted marshmallow and melted chocolate dripping all over your face just waiting to be licked off and loved... that is the best! I also have to make a cake for thursday bc I promised my girl Jill that I would. rainbow cake with chocolate icing. I cant wait to make it and lick my fingers. theres a lot of licking going on in this post. I love that now I work morning shifts every so often I have time to write on this online journal. blogging has to be one of my favorite things. if I had a list of favourite things this would be on it... maybe I should create a list and post it on here. that could take a while so dont expect anything soon. I wish there was such a thing as extending days... make them longer so we had more time. Like making them 36 hours instead of 24. that would be interesting. then I think everyone would be able to have 8 hours of sleep and they'd still have 28 hours to kill while they are awake. I'm rambling on about pretty much nothing but thats just what I do... theres no changing it. another thing that would be really great would be if there were more activities to do in the lower mainland. we are always at a loss as what to do with our time... we made a list but it is not the most helpful. langley is boring... and the surrounding towns arent the greatest either. some people have the ability to come up with some crazy activities that I would never think of. those people are the ones that can make anything fun and think outside the box. I dont really think outside the box but I do try my darnest. I had a dream the other night about falling in love with a prince and woke up thinking,"Where is he?" I havent found him yet but I'm sure he is out there somewhere I just hope not too far. anywho thats all... TOODLES to all you ladies and gents!

One more thing

guess what I forgot to say??? I'm going to be an Auntie for the 3rd time!!!!! That's all...

Day after day after day...

lately it has been a little hectic in my life and thengs have come up and it is really not the best timing but what can you do? I'm feeling kind of lost in the fog of every day. everything I do in a day is just automatic reaction especially at work. I feel that I really need to break out of this funk, but how? I need to find something to keep me occupied. photography is my hobby but there are only so many pictures you can take of the same flowers in your own backyard. do I need to venture out? i don't think I need to venture I just need someone or something inspiring to just go with and take pictures. I have not been inspired lately and it gets very frustrating. my best inspiration was when I took millions and millions of pictures of flowers. I went non-stop for at least a few months. it was a streak that I wasnt ready to stop until I realized that the passion for it died out. Ive been waiting for a new passion but really what I have found is people... people in the natural state. not posed. just in the natural state not trying to look beautiful or trying to get the best side of them in the picture. just plain running around aloof like kids. my friends have been willing subjects but I want to expand and I don't know how. I know taking a course on it would help but to tell you the truth I like learning on my own. figuring out things by myself. making discoveries. it is kind of like in drama when you put on a skit or play one of the things that need to happen in a scene is a discovery. in photography I learn things about my camera and how everything work and I also discover God's creation through the lens. I dont know if an inspiration will get me out of this robotic day after day routine that is on rerun, but I hope and hope is all I can ask for in this time of desperation. I'll be back!

Variables...

what if... it is a big question that lingers in our minds every once in a while when something happens. what if I did this differently or what if I had gone here first and then there. there are so many times in my life where I have questioned the situations I'm in. the truth asking the question "what if?" is not going to change what has come to pass. what if is not a controller of life... you can't let it do that because you will be second guessing every single move you make. even when it may be the worst situation that you've been in you need to take a step back, breath and let the pieces fall where they may. be an optomist... I know that is a hard task to take on for some of us when the whole world seems to be going against us, but you need to at least try be positive. you never know some good could come out of every situation. take life one step at a time. there will be a time to question things and why they happened but you can't wonder "what if?" it won't make anything easier. in my experience i need to make the same mistake a few times before I finally get what I'm suppose to be doing. take the curve balls and throw them back. make it work to your advantage. In the end whatever you do is up to you. your actions can change the minutes of your life in one split second. make that second count. use your brain and stay alert. there are too many variables to question it. now all I need to do is take my words of wisdom and put them into practice... its not going to be easy. so long, farewell...

Because is not an answer.

so there are some people that find every excuse in the book. these people need to be more considerate to the people they are leaving behind because of these excuses. It seems I have fallen victim to this time and time again. this time more than others. in the beginning you brush it off don't think much of it, but when it becomes a reoccuring senario you begin to wonder what you have done wrong. It is not always necessarily something you have done wrong though. the optomisstic look at it is that its not you its them. thats being hopeful, but it is sometimes true depending on the case. how can you tell this person how you are feeling when you don't even see them face to face? there does not seem to be an easy solution. I guess the best way to confront it is to just lay it out on the table for both you and the other to see. give all the facts and be brutally honest. It may not land you where you hoped to be, but at least it has been thrown out there in the open. what else is there to do? Toodles!!

On the edge of your seat

I like riding roller coasters, but not every day. every day is a little excessive. right now I'm riding the downward spiral and its making me nausious and sick to no end. sometimes this roller coaster doesnt even stop to think thouroughly about what the heck its doing. it plummets when you least expect it and that just drops you down into the barrier of grief and agony. sometimes the only thing you can do is think optimistically even though it may be a hard task to do with a smile on your face, especially when you might be about to vomit. lets aim our vomit at the roller coaster but even though that may help you feel better it can drop you even deeper than you imagined. sometimes trying to battle through the twists and turns the best you can ends up hurting more than just stopping the ride. where does it go from here? where does it turn? when does it come back to the light? or is it lost forever in the darkness? ta ta for now or for always?

Feel free to disagree...

wow 2 posts in one month... thats an accomplishment.
I just wanted to state my opinion on Avatar now that I've finally seen it. Its over-rated. I'm not saying it was the worst movie ever, dont get me wrong. I see where people are coming from, how the graphics are amazing etc... yes the graphics are great, but the storyline predictable. boy meets girl. girl falls in love with boy. together they fight forces of evil. in the end boy changes for girl. ta da. I dont mean to be cruel but someone has to be. all in all it was an entertaining movie and I would watch it again. on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being bad and 5 being perfect, I rate it as a 3.85. Yes I used a decimal. The End.

I'm Alive!!

how do you do? It has been quite a while since I last posted and I think that is why every emotion has been building up bc I need to use this as my outlet. altho I try to stay positive... you know the glass is half full.

my life has become routine... wake up do stuff go to work come home sleep and repeat. as much as I don't need a man right now it would be nice to shake things up a bit. the guy who picks up the dead animals at my work... well I'm not sure but I think he's flirting with me. it could be a figment of my imagination but notheless it makes me feel better about myself.

One thing I have to look forward to is going to ITALY!!! I'm uber excited. I will be going with my best friend Courtney and it will be a great 2 weeks of vacay!! I can't wait. so as i ponder that trip on the horizon I'm questioning what I'm doing with my life. I really dont know what is next for me. Ive grown up with the idea of working, getting married, travel and then have kids and be a stay at home mom. so far that plan has not really been put into action. As much as I don't want to go back to school it might be a good option for me now. we will see what happens. I like flying by the seat of my pants but that's not always the best way to move ahead in life.

so as I contemplate things further I may make a decision.
Thanks to my readers for being so patient.
Ta ta for now!